I wish that I could say that at 31 it gets better but in reality, it doesn’t. It gets different and that is the truth. I remember turning thirty like it was yesterday. For me, turning thirty was fraught with much anxiety as it symbolized the end of an era. It meant that I had to put away all the memorabilla of my twenties and begin to think about establishing a career and family. All the late night, early morning episodes of binge drinking and bed hopping had to go into a metaphorical suitcase. I felt as though in order to consider my self a full-fledged developmentally healthy and functioning adult, I had to trade in that suitcase for a bigger one, one that could hold the weight of my lofty ambitions, high ideals and extreme career goals. Turning thirty was definitely a scary experience for me.
I have heard that when you turn thirty, it is over for you. The immature circle that I ran with at the time called them “The Dirty Thirties” where you would no longer be seen as viable but would rather be held accountable for your actions. In your twenties you could get away with naivety and still have it look cute. But in your thirties, you are expected to know better, to have lived a bit and have gained a level of knowledge that renders your actions inexcusable at best and pathetic at worst. Needless to say turning thirty was traumatic as a result of the false beliefs, expectations and misconceptions associated with the transformation. I have since come to terms with those beliefs and have welcomed the dawning of another year.
So here I am 31 and in a different mindspace than when I was 21 per say. Hell, I’m in a different mindspace than when I was 29. I have shaken the dust off the ignorance of my twenties and have taken the lessons gleaned and used them as tools to improve my life. Here are just a few of them:
1. Love Yourself
You have been with yourself from the beginning, you will be with yourself in the middle and you will be the only one left in the end. You have to love yourself. It is not an option but rather a necessity. Loving yourself involves knowing how you work, knowing what makes you happy and sad. It involves letting go of things that no longer serve the person that you are and want to be and picking up new tools that will further your life and advance you to the next step in your improvement and personal development. Loving yourself involves standing up for yourself and what you believe to be true for you regardless of how it will affect another person’s view of you. It requires you to honor your opinion and your value system especially when challenged by naysayers and critics. The more you stand up to opposition, the more you begin to love the person you are.
2. Don’t Make People A Priority Who Make You An Option
In this the Age of Aquarius, there will be advancements in technology, culture and the way in which we communicate with each other. There will be a modicum of insanity in all of our interactions. This age will be cold, distant and emotionally restrictive. Given this reality, I have learned that I will only invest in those who invest in me. I will invest my time in places that accrue interest and lead to large pay offs and incalculable dividends. I have learned that showing concern for those who have no concern for me is the equivalent of throwing my money in the street and money don’t grow on trees so I have to be very prudent and protective of my emotional wealth given the nature of the day and age in which I live. My new motto is this: If I’m not on your radar, I am taking you off mine plain and simply.
3. It’s Sad But Necessary
There are some things that are sad in this world but necessary. For example, it is sad that we cannot go into supermarkets without a series of cameras watching our every move, monitoring our every purchase but it is necessary given the reality of shoplifting and increased prices due to loss and shrink of various merchandise. its sad that we can’t trust a person and have to do credit checks, background checks, run screenings and take histories but given the reality of con men, liars, identity theft and scams, it is necessary. These days Big Brother, the eye in the sky has become an extended member of the American Family Structure. Of course, he is a black sheep that we feel is a silent travesty but that does not take away from our need to have him in our lives. It is sad but necessary. That is a reality that took me a long time to come to grips with and in truth, I still struggle with this painful realization.
4. Stop Focusing on What Other People Are Doing, Focus on What You Are Doing
I am an external learner meaning that I learn by sharing, interacting and dealing with people. Because I learn best this way, I have often times lived vicariously through others. This has informed my empathy and ability to understand another person’s situation without having gone through it myself. However it has also caused me to focus too much on what other people are doing and not enough on what I need to be doing for myself and my goals. I have given so much attention to their negative behaviors and have allowed myself to be distracted by what they were doing or not doing to a point where boundaries became blurred and my advancement became suspended in distraction. I was always trapped in a state of reactivity, living off the reactions of others as opposed to creating the environment I wanted to see. I relinquished the reins and let other people set the tone for my life. They had to do something to me in order to spark my decision to do something for myself. But no more! I have since learned that decisions require vigilance. They require intrinsic motivations not based on what other people do. Regardless of what someone does or does not do, I will do what I need to do to get me where I want to be. They don’t have to do anything anymore except be who they are. I want them to stay true to form because regardless of who they are or what they do they can’t stop fate. When you are destined for greatness like I am, what these people do is insignificant to your success. As you get older you stop looking so much at what others do and start looking at what you’re doing because that is all apart of loving yourself which is lesson 1 in this journey we know as life.
So far these are four major lessons I have learned at 31. While there are an infinite number of lessons in store for me, I eagerly await their blossoming abundance and know that the cornucopia of insight is never without its harvest. Life will always have something to teach and will never run out of lessons. I just want to be in the front seat with all my teeth, smiling widely enjoying the ride. That is my sincerest wish as I draw another curved line in the circle of life. Many Blessings All!
Luis Speaks 