Foolishly I spent my twenties haphazardly giving my love and assistance to the wrong people. I gave too many second chances, tolerated too many bullshit excuses, believed too many lies, trusted too many snakes. I didn’t listen enough to my intuition and as a result I was played more times than a Beyonce mixtape.
I thought I had it all figured out. I thought that as long as someone expressed a need and I had the means to assist, why not, right? Wrong! I did not assess the who in the equation of giving. Who was asking? Who was this person? Did they deserve my investment? What have they done to help themselves? I never asked these questions. I just gave without restraint or reservation.
As the proverb goes “give a man a fish and you will feed him for a week. Teach the man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.”. I gave too many fish instead of lessons on the joyful art of fishing. Plus I gave too many fish to entitled assholes who just loved watching me bait the hook and wrangle the catch for their summertime supper. I did not give the right way.
Giving the right way is about assessing who you are giving to. You can throw shapes with certain people but that doesn’t mean they are part of your inner circle. Giving the right way involves first assessing who you are giving to. Who is this person opposite your offering? Have they demonstrated a willingness to help themselves? Have they shown themselves to be people of good moral character? Based on prior interactions, have they demonstrated an attitude of gratitude and gracious spirit or are they wildly entitled and arrogantly expectant of your generosity?
I no longer give in the sense of offering handouts. I invest and give with dignity meaning I invest in people who I feel have growth potential. I invest in people who I know will take my investment and make it grow. I invest in my belief in a person’s personal empowerment and I give not as charity but as a down payment on individual prosperity. I invest in what appreciates and work to conserve my efforts and save my energy for those who really deserve it.
Some would say this defeats the purpose of giving as you aren’t supposed to give expecting to receive anything in return. And it’s not that you expect anything in return however you can’t continue to give of yourself so freely especially in a world where kindness, generosity and benevolence are exploited for secondary gain by narcissists, sociopaths and psychos (oh my!). Some people enjoy playing games. They like to malinger and exaggerate their need for the sake of getting things. They downplay their resources so they can save theirs while they spend yours. Your kindness becomes their stock option as they pimp your interest and get full off your starvation. Knowing this, you have got to protect your investments and save them for those who really need your assistance. This involves assessing who is worth your investment.
Fact is too many withdrawals and not enough deposits leads to bankruptcy and a zero balance not to mention overdraft charges and fees. To prevent this from happening to you, start to give right. Assess who you are giving to. Give to those who appreciate it and if they appreciate it, they’ll reciprocate it! Much love to all!